I haven't mentioned the horrific earthquake that devastated Haiti a little over a week ago.. didn't have the words and figured most of my PSL teammates did. Plus, we've all been watching the news and seeing the images play over and over, hearing statistics go up, etc. It's been surreal, especially since almost a year ago, our squad was the first AIM squad to be sent to this country in the Caribbean. Haiti's history is full of strife - spiritual darkness has been a part of its climate since its existence. It was probably the darkest country we ministered in, and that was when it was still stable. While I've been praying a lot for the country and my heart is broken for the people, I've remained somewhat detached.. choosing not to allow myself to be overwhelmed by it all, which it could easily be. However, the Haiti situation is hitting a little closer to home now, as AIM sends out two small teams tomorrow morning as the organization's first response unit, returning next Wed, 1/27.
One of my good friends and triad members at PSL, Steph Tegan Tyrna, is going with a group of six, to be servants, messengers, intercessors, cooks, nurses, and whatever else is needed. Ashley Musick, former H Squad leader, is heading up team and plans are subject to change. A smaller team, including Tonya Norman, one of H squad's leaders, is goin in to set up contacts and databases.. So there's 3 H squaders who are directly impacted. This is a tough assignment and will take more than guts - it'll take complete dependence on Him. It's hard to grasp or imagine what they'll see and experience, but God is in control. I thank God that a situation that's so much bigger than all the organizations and aid combined has a God who is even bigger. I know that Tegan is going in complete obedience to the Lord and will be covered in our prayers and in His protection and provision. I'll miss her greatly and be thinking of her constantly. PLEASE continue to lift her team and all other teams up in prayer. Please go to her blog and read the story of how God confirmed that she needed to go. It's a story of timing, obedience and trust.
"If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." -Psalm 139:11-12
No amount of darkness is darker than His light! Let's not forget to cling to the hope that we can't see... and give Him the glory in everything. Tegan, I love you tons and trust that He's using you as His light. May His peace and joy keep you filled until you return. Hope to see you and give you a huge hug.
Look how many donations came in from generous and eager givers - thank you ALL! She gets to lug this duffel to the airport. Steph will be hand delivering these and will have the rare opportunity to clothe the Haitians.. literally being His hands and feet.
She has such a huge heart (and one given to her from the lady of hearts herself, Rachel H(e)artman) and will be such a blessing to those she comes across in Haiti.
Hmm.. good question, Po. Tegan's not sure, but for now, it looks like she's goin to Haiti. Safe travels..
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9
A few days ago, Jeff Hylton was a hero. To Steph Pridgen. He had found her glasses, which she especially needed that day. Well, even if he'd recruited the kids to find them, it was still a heroic effort, to delegate in the knick of time, haha.
Uncle Hyltee is also this Steph's hero. He became this when 1. he started a fire last Friday with Brooks and that was what was waiting for us when we "got home from school" (it was still daylight) and 2. we were exchanging war stories by the fire later that nite and he told one that deserved a medal. In all seriousness, I've had several opportunities to get to know Jeff over the course of stayin at their place; those times and convos have been some of the most enlightening and invigorating. I connect most quickly with ppl who can laugh at themselves and others, who enjoy craziness or have an element of that. With Uncle Hyltee, the deal was sealed by skipping formalities and ponderin what I'd eat or drink for $ (or outta curiosity). His getting sick with some sorta swine flu-like respiratory bug and being bed ridden and only able to communicate via blog comments or fb also sped up the process of friendship. It was during the time that Jeff was in quarantine that I realized he has the x-factor, which by definition is an unexplainable factor that adds value to something or someone. His charismatic presence is noticed when he isn't around. This stems from his true gift of hospitality and giving and loving ppl. Along with Alycea, his beautiful, sweet and humble wife, they re-define hospitality, in my opinion. Through Jeff and Alycea's example, I have much to learn about engaging with people, embracing the concept of "the more the merrier", yet still being intentional and having quality conversations or time.. oh, and not losing that goofy side - humor's huge.
From mere observation, Jeff is a:
Family man
Business man
Godly man
Funny man
Man's man
But from hearing his stories against the backdrop of fires or other casual settings, I've seen how one can be all of the above and be relevant without being irreverent. The fact that Jeff works in the financial industry but has discipled co-workers, led Bible studies in the office and has a spirit that sets him apart enough for them to start inquiring, speaks volumes.. I was only in the business world for a short stint, but one doesn't need too much experience in the field to know how lucrative it is.. This is the kind of missionary work that I think often gets neglected, overlooked or under-emphasized because when we think of missions, it connotes Africa, orphans, rough living conditions, etc. In all actuality, Jeff's mission field is more of a reality and much harder, with an audience that is quicker to judge and slower to understand.. but he's doing modern evangelism by investing in relationships constantly and naturally, so much so that it isn't doing so much as being. He told me that two major steps in evangelism, quite simply, are 1. the person meets you 2. the person likes you. If both are achieved, you now have a foot in the door to build on... from there, Jeff loves on them with his gifts of hospitality and giving... giving of his time, experience and resources.. opening up his home as a safe place to have fun, let your hair down and be who you are, free of judgment. It made me think, how many times does it just stop at 1? Sure, you can meet so many ppl these days, quite easily. But how easy is it for that person to like you? To be put at ease in your presence? To see in you the possibility of more - more of gaining his trust, more of sharing his life, more of accepting his flaws, more of building his character?
I also especially love hearing his heart for men, specifically for non-believers. It's refreshing to be in the company of someone who loves Jesus but loves fun - and that's his MOA for reaching out to men. Prob sounds more like a "duh" stmt than an "aha" one, but I think it needs to be applauded or at least recognized, because it isn't common to actually see this play out. As Jeff told me stories about man ski adventures, I got super excited - not just cuz guys' sense of fun usually involves ridiculousness or hilarity, but cuz stuff is stirring in these environments.. the Spirit's allowed to work in an unconventional way... it's not hanging out with an ulterior motive.. it's not finding a loophole in religion. in fact, it's not about religion at all, but about relationships. sharing the gospel starts first with sharing who you are and what you have. Jeff's vision is to see/help men experience freedom from "church" so they can see and love the Lord... and I am completely on board. He cherishes his guy time - whether it's with one or many - and his house and his company promote freedom. Just being here for two weeks, I can testify to that.
As Jeff and Alycea continue to discover and develop their ministry/vision/call, I can already tell they're gonna be affecting more and more lives... those that are walking into their home and family get to experience how Jesus would've hosted a party. I have so much respect for them and am grateful that God placed them across my path.
Uncle Hyltee, more importantly than the fact that you're a hero to two Stephs, is that you're a fire starter... you liven the room but you also set something alive in ppl... I have no doubt that your contagious personality will continue to bring fishers of men... or maybe fellow firemen. =P
One amazing family! Jeff and Alycea with kids: Bennett, Brittany and Brooks.
on friday nite i boycotted hw, kdps, pdps, books and computers and
exercised productive procrastination.. productive, in that what i chose
to do instead fed my heart. sometimes i think being still is what's
needed. so i sat, stood, stooped in front of and stirred a fire for
nearly seven hours. (thank you jeff hylton for starting one - i look
forward to being passed the fire-starting baton!)
there's
something addictive about a fire... it's like a drug, it brings forth
thoughts, contemplation, pondering, reflection, enlightenment.. it's
like entering another zone altogether.. i remember in ukraine, my dear
teammate Lins was coming up with all sorts of deep thoughts in front of
a campfire. two comments i got about being
out at the firepit were "wow, you must've had a lot on your mind." and
"did you come up with a lot of thoughts?" yes and yes.. maybe smoke
inhalation is a good thing after all.
it's interesting.. when
you really enjoy something (or someone), you're very aware of it (or
him/her) and you'll do anything for it (him/her).. the moment i saw the
fire going, i dropped my plans and spent the rest of the night out
there.. that was it for me. there were others who stopped by for a bit
and then continued on their path/mission to whatever they needed to
do... others who took a glance on their way past... and still others
who didn't know there was a fire going. John Lennon said "life is what
happens when we're busy making plans." not to dispute what we learned
in class about God being a planner and plans help make kingdom dreams
happen.. but how often is God the fire that we miss completely? how
often do we miss out on something magnificent, that's been there, on
our way to planning next steps or getting things done? btw, this
wasn't to diss those who didn't join me.. i actually really enjoyed the
time alone... but it's just to say, it's interesting how we each have
different things that captivate us.
another thing about
fire is how amazingly long one can last if someone's there tending to
it... mine was still going when i left at 1:30 am. sometimes it takes
a few ppl to start it, show others the supply of wood to keep it
burning, and then allow that fire to stoke in the hands of someone
else. the fire of God inside of us can keep going but we need others
to give us a hand once in a while... others to help re-start the fire
when it's struggling to stay lit and then stick around to make sure
it's still going. partnership.
God, i wanna be a fire keeper... a fire stoker...
Come be the fire inside of me Come be the flame upon my heart
lastly,
i've decided that it's important for my future husband to be a fire
starter. (literal fire, nothing symbolic) and it would be great if
he'd be out there with me til it goes out.
sorry, this was an awkwardly worded blog... maybe i need to be fired from this blog writing business.
Ah, networking. When I found out part of today's session was devoted to this, I inwardly shriveled just a bit and my heart may have fluttered nervously.. brought me back to the days of business school and the talks of the importance of networking, the social events we'd attend to practice this, and the schmoozing, brown nosing and selling out that lots of students did to win the first impression awards from corporate partners... yeeuck. it was never my kinda game, but it was also essential to getting feet in the door. i preferred to lean on the door frame and just observe the show. of course, it wouldn't be fair for me to accuse everyone of networking for the wrong reasons, but coming from that business background (which i probably never belonged in as it wasn't me), i saw it as black and white: you either sell yourself well and jump start your career, or you fail to sell (out) and maybe manage to slide in due to luck despite your lackluster persona, or fail to get yourself in the door altogether..
Anyway, so today Seth and Scott Pitts helped teach the session on networking.. the cool thing is seeing how God connects His people, and knowing that He already has the big picture, so for Him, it's all about setting up divine appointments. hearing stories of how "random" ppl collide at the most opportune times is pretty neat. there's definitely a value in expanding your "nodes" and branches... i think for me, as a self-proclaimed cynicist (working on it) and introvert (myers briggs confirms this, not to mention the obvious nature of my personality - a lamppost could probably confirm it), it's always hard to initiate and to present myself fully and/or appealingly in a larger group or to someone unfamiliar.. to be honest, i don't always invest in ppl or see a value in it because i don't always like them. as the years go by, i've become kinda jaded about ppl, after encountering and experiencing the fakers, the attention beggars, the ones out with an ulterior motive (aka users), the kiss ups tryin to know the big fish cuz of his "pull" in the world, etc.. i do enjoy ppl and can even pass off as friendly, engaging and interested - and that's usually cuz i truly am when i appear to be. i'm completely interested when i find someone interesting, and trust me, i've met sooo many amazing, humble, entertaining, funny and just plain awesome ppl. i try to be genuine. i don't enjoy "games" in the sense of manipulating or provoking reactions, etc. and part of me fears that in networking, i'll come across as either fake, socially awkward, or trying to hook up with someone for what they can give me. i'm kinda like a laser beam - i concentrate my "beam", my light/warmth, on a small group of ppl, until they burn (in the good sense)... rather than being like a sun's ray that showers warmth on a larger mass. i'm a love me, not a like me.. i don't care about being liked by a lot of ppl, but i care to be loved by the few i love extravagantly..
i feel myself getting off-topic on the subject of networking.. i need to step down from the soap box. guess what i'm tryin to say is that it's a concept that makes me cringe inherently and initially, because for me, the connotations have included being someone i'm not and quantity over quality. HOWEVER, i realize more and more that it doesn't have to mean that, it could mean an exchange of blessings. plus, as confirmed in today's session, without networks, God's Kingdom dreams can't be implemented and brought forth... we need each other.. we weren't made to do it alone, and no one is significant enough to have and know everything and everyone. plus, networking doesn't have to be seen as being someone i'm not, but as being who i am and being connected to others who may be able to invest in me and vice versa. investing in ppl may sometimes not be worth it.. like Seth said, there are some dead nodes - some that don't result in anything. but there's also the possibility of a whole bunch of multiplication that could happen (maybe this concept is also foreign to me cuz i don't know math!) - you meet someone who knows someone who knows someone... and who knows how that person or those ppl may come across your path again one day? His world can be seriously small. an exchange of knowledge, skills, gifts, passion, resources is GOOD.. the ppl i've invested in, my friends and family, have brought an abundance to my life.. how much more could i bring to others and them to me?
so yea, altho my heart beat faster when Seth was finding volunteers to make phone calls (i was praying he wouldn't pick me - i have a slight aversion to phones), it was still pretty cool to see how fast things can get rolling if you get over that fear or pride or whatever's holding you back, and take the leap, make the call.. it's encouraging to hear or witness the willingness of the other person to tap into his personal network to help with something you need.. when Seth was talking to an important youth ministry guy, one of the top in the nation and one of his thousands of personal contacts, i did feel slightly small... as in, my network is somewhat limited. it's growing, but it may just never have that reach. however, instead of comparing, what i need to do is give praise that some ppl like Seth (who probably knows the President!) or my dear friend Liz from the Race, have that anointing, that true gift of networking. nothing makes Liz come more alive than connecting ppl, and while i joke that she has 2,000 facebook friends, she manages to be intentional with each one. so now that I know Liz, my own network has increased, quite possibly exponentially. haha. now i can't let her outta my life, cuz 1. i need her peeps 2. i am one of them, how crazy 3. her peeps would probably hunt me down. Love you, Liz!
i've accepted the fact that i'll never be a natural at charismatic first impressions, talking eloquently, and name dropping without the nerves, etc... but God's given us fellow believers and non-believers to link up with one another, and seeing the links click together shows how much we play a part in His trillion piece puzzle. i'm working on my intentionality and taking initiative in this area.. it won't be easy but it'll probably be worth it. it could mean more of those amazing ppl that i hold close to my heart once i know them... or it could mean just a short correspondence to get me to the next step.. whatever the case, i appreciate Scott's reminder at the end that we are ALL nothing - even the biggest name on the block - but yet we are still sons and daughters of the King!
I've mentioned that we're staying with the Hylton family here in Gainesville, GA... an amazing, generous and beautiful family whose hospitality has really blown us away. They're such a blessing. Along with their wonderful house and cabin, there's a small farm of animals. A Shetland mini horse named Rock and Roll (or Rocky, aww how cute), an alpaca named Wallace/Wally who seems shy or scared (and rightfully so, since ppl keep talking about riding him! who wouldn't run away??), seven goats (one named Chewy - i'll probably be writing about this guy another time, since he has such a fabulous name and personality to go with it - he's the one jumping on Brooks for the carrot), and some chickens. Tegan and I had the opportunity to pay them a visit, with Brooks, the Hyltons' middle son and also the zookeeper for the day (Brittany would probably kill me for saying that, since she does most of the caretaking). Brooks is one of the most dynamic and hilarious 8 year olds I've met, and he entertained us just as much as the animals did. Thanks for the tour, Brooks! Btw, towards the end of our visit, Tegan and I finally got to pet Wally without him running away... Alpacas are so interesting, like a mix b/w a camel and a sheep. God's creatures are indeed so uniquely made.. and they bring me such joy. ENJOY!
Just thought I'd share the Psalm that became my favorite during the World Race.. I love the book of Psalms and how each one writes the love of God in our hearts. It's also a good book to turn to when you need to remind yourself of who He is. Benny also just wrote a blog listing just some of God's names.. I think it's a good way to worship Him and get your heart in a good place, just speaking them out loud or to yourself and actually meditating on what they mean. If you do, you'll be unable to even grasp most of them.. at least, that's the case for me. For ex: He was, and is, and is to come... think about that, it's crazy!! Psalm 116, specifically the verses I bold, have done unspeakable things for my spirit. I'm not feeling a lot of words tonight, so I'll just share this and hope you're blessed. Turn to the Word when you're healthy or sick, rich or poor, joyful or in despair... and be reminded of the great I AM and how much He loves, knows, and holds you.
Psalm 116
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
"O Lord, save me!"
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
I believed; therefore I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."
And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."
How can I repay the Lord
for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the Lord
is the death of his saints.
O Lord, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant;
you have freed me from my chains.
I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the Lord -
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Today's Human Trafficking Awareness Day.. Did you know that there are more than 27 million slaves in the world today? I recently attended the Passion 2010 conference in Atlanta, GA, and they ran a campaign called Do Something Now. Do Something Now allowed college students (and anyone else at Passion) to participate in impacting lives on a global scale. In the lower level of the Georgia World Congress Center was a mobilization center full of different stands from organizations such as Not For Sale, One Verse, Compassion International, and more. There were interactive, hands-on activities you could partake in.... for the organization Not For Sale, which works to equip and motivate activists to end slavery, the students at Passion were able to raise enough money for three refuge outposts for sex slaves to escape to. There are so many horrifying stats about human trafficking... to learn more, you can visit Not For Sale's website: http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/
After my month in Thailand, spent with two bar girls, Da and Ploy, who became like little sisters to me, I feel strongly about sex trafficking, the third most profitable organized crime after drugs and guns - generating BILLIONS of dollars a year. There's something so wrong about all of this.
One of my triad members, Steph Tyrna (affectionately dubbed Tegan or Teegs), posted a powerful movie that highlights the horrors of human trafficking. This movie changed her life.. Please check out her blog!
I love your laugh. I love your mischief. I love your acting. I love your jokes. I love your re-enactments. I love how your eyes light up when you're telling a (funny) story. I love your dark curly locks. I love your dance moves. I love your favorite juice, Welch's guava and pineapple. I love your comfortable new bed. I love your corn hole skills. I love that you joined us for part of our Race. I love your heart for the squad.
However. I don't love your lies. Or your (il)logic regarding reading blogs.
My bone to pick with you: You say you only read blogs that have pictures. (I have witnesses that will testify to the truth of this statement, not that you would deny it - in fact you seem quite proud to proclaim it!)
The Logical Theory: One way for us bloggers to know when someone has read our blog is to see a comment, right? That's logical, since I don't think there's a way to see who has stalked your WR blog page (like there is on xanga) without leaving a note. So, if the above statement is, in fact, correct, and not just another case of identity fraud, then what's up with this?!?!
*I'm not picking on Hood and his lack up photo uploads.. that's not the point...
On the flip side, all the hours I wasted- I mean, spent - into posting photo heavy blogs like, oh lemme see.... THIS or how about this one or just one more?! Especially that last blog - yep, I think there were like, 2 sentences and at least 50 pictures, no joke. Hmm... try as I might to look really hard (insert squinty eyed Asian joke here), I don't think I see your name or your comment. There was an Ashley that commented on my catalog blog (the one with 50 pics, wait, you wouldn't know that cuz you didn't read it) but you can't take credit for it cuz she used my nickname.
My Conclusion: Could it be that you didn't read it? Or that you read it and didn't comment... in which case, that's a different bone to pick for a different blog (in short, we're encouraged to blog and what better way to feel encouraged by blogging than receiving comments from wonderful coaches, mentors, friends and alumni? "just sayin'").
Anyway, it's not that I need to feel affirmed by seeing that you've commented, altho it does add a special kick to my day... I will continue to blog whether you choose to read it or comment or both or neither. But since you brought it up today, when I so kindly visited your nice spankin apt, I decided to address it.. America needs to know what's going on! My heart breaks for those gifted bloggers who are pouring out their hearts, writing profound things, or even just posting something light-hearted and funny but perhaps having no access to a camera or no time to upload a picture. They don't get read by Ashley (switching to third person now because I'm just too riled up to write in a grammatically consistent fashion). Well, supposedly. In theory. But I guess if you're Nate Hood or happen to write succinctly and Ashley happens to come across your blog, you may be a chosen one. And for those busily uploading photos for the enjoyment of readers like Ashley, she may not ever see them. She may have just left some love for a guy who happened to post a short but sweet, non-photo infused, blog. Ah, the injustice.
Lastly, to end this letter, I was also hurt when you told the group of us that visited that you would "subscribe to Steph Chiu's blog", only to snicker and add not-so-under-the-breath, "and have them sent to my spam!!" Look here, there isn't a sayin "small eyes, small ears." That may have brought an eruption of laughter, a collective moment of entertainment for ALL, but it really made me sad. I shake my head and my finger at you.
I'm not quite sure how to end this letter, as I'm shaken... keep in touch doesn't seem appropriate. Thanks again also doesn't quite fit.. Maybe I'll just have to meet you at the stairwell. Don't worry, this isn't my only dedication to ya.. (Not sure if this is what Talia meant when she gave us ideas of what to blog and mentioned your name).
Blessings! (or Sincerely)
Chiu
P.S. I know you will probably comment. 1) Your name is all over this.. 2) There's at least one picture.. 3) The title is catchy .. 4) It's short.. 5) To prove that you are a woman of your word.. 6) To come up with some kinda defense or witty remark.
P.P.S. In regards to #5, it's too late - you have already contradicted yoself. Now I shall see all future comments from Musick as pity ones.
PSL is officially off the ground. On Thursday, Jen Den and I had a great overnight together in Chattanooga, TN before heading over to the AIM office in Gainesville, GA. Being back together with her felt like life on the race, except I'd look over at her sleeping in her huge, comfy, double bed in a nice hotel, with a suitcase and wardrobe laying out that I'd never seen before. Quite disorienting, but amazingly familiar and comfortable... got to Gainesville safely and it was a different, refreshing reunion with a dozen of my H Squad family. I remember in Oct 08, greeting the same dozen (and more) H Squaders in the same place, but feeling completely unsure, uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and like I was back in school, trying to make a good impression. Well, it's such a freeing feeling knowing that these ppl know the real Chiu and there's no need to pretend to be better, ha! The embraces were genuine and the excitement to be in each other's company felt reaaaaal good.
So our first afternoon was spent just being covered in prayer by the leaders, being broken up into triads based on what type of ministry tugged at our hearts (I'm in a triad with Benny and Steph Tyrna relating to sex trafficking), and popping over to the OTHER AIM office we didn't know existed, the place we'll hold our daily classes, to set up some stuff... in the evening, we finally met the Hyltons - a generous and beautiful family of 5 whose hosting us these next two weeks in their mansion on a lake - fitting name, hehe. Seriously, we're ridiculously blessed.. they have a cabin that sleeps 5 if you walk past the pool and hot tub. I knew I'd be there when I heard that an option was the cabin.. even before I'd seen it. It could've been an unfinished shack and i'd be there cuz I love cabins and space.. The other girls get a huge basement all to themselves, and Benny gets his own space (he'll need it, as glad as he is to see us gals). Going thru the house is like stepping into a catalog - there's a game room, a theater room upstairs (where I'm currently sprawled on the couch watching football on the huge screen), one of the kids has a tunnel leading into his room, and the entire back section of the house is floor to ceiling glass... it's hard to describe but I'll take some pictures soon. They even have 7 goats, an alpacea (?), and a horse - can't wait to visit those furry friends. We had a great first night settling in with food and games and meeting some of the other coaches. The Hyltons have provided everything - fresh linens, new comforters and pillows, towels, shampoo, etc. THANK YOU ahead of time to a family who is blessing us with their blessings.
Today was our first day of class with Seth and a lot was said.. we learned more about the assimilation phase, and how the WR initiated us, where to go from here, and how to find our voice... more on these things another time. Schedule looks busy and packed but with enough time for community fun and fellowship, morning worship and devos, and practical stuff in b/w. We're all assigned duties and I think it's kinda funny that Benny and I are in charge of transportation (arranging rides so everyone gets to their destination) cuz we're the late risers (I'll speak for myself, maybe Benny is actually waking up for breakfast) and I'm the one running out trying to make sure I have a car to ride in, haha. As I grabbed my backpack and flew out the door at 7:30, I really thought I was tryin to catch the bus - nostalgic middle and high school memories... ahh. I still have my teammates handing me breakfast on the run. Some things don't change. Altho PSL is serious - we have book reports, daily blogging (so stay tuned please) and more.
So I've mentioned Benny and Jen Den - that only leaves Mel to mention. She's here too, making it almost a complete Luminous reunion. Hoogs, know that you're sorely missed here, but you've got yourself a nice villa in Spain, so we're even. It's great to be with the team again, but a bit weird not having de-briefs and team meetings.... and those backpacks!
Today during worship, I had a thought... I looove fires.. I don't start them or set them up (that's Benny's other unofficial job and what he did on the WR for us) but I could stand or sit in front of them all night until the last flame flickers out... and of course, the Hyltons have a fire pit, so I stood out there last night for quite a while.. I walked away with the heavy scent of smoke and ash all over me... I went to bed smelling like an ashtray and woke up catching the whiff of smoke that had infiltrated my hair and clothes... it wasn't a bad smell cuz it reminded me of the fire, which makes me happy.. but it stays on ya.. it lingered throughout class and the rest of the day. My thought was - I want that to be the smell of the Spirit.. I want His scent on me - under my skin, through my pores, coming off my clothes.. that a whiff is all I'd need to recognize Him.
k, time to scratch Benny's hair - I can't believe I get to again!! He just cracked another original stupid funny joke/comment. I can't believe I get to hear that again!! Life is good. Altho I'm pretty sure his hair feels different... not sure how, but it is..
*To whoever is still reading this -- I'm ba-aaaack! Hope everyone had a wonderfully warm holiday and new year. Ok, now that the friendly greeting's outta the way, back to business.. bear with me, as this was longer than intended, but should shed some light on things on the homefront..
Returning home has meant movies. It was a form of entertainment and escape
pre-Race, a way that my family bonds and enjoys each other's company. I missed movies during the year and saw two
in the theater, one being an extremely weird ladyboy soccer movie in Thailand
and the other being a really poorly made chick flick in S. Africa. So one of the most consistent things I did
upon returning home was befriend Redbox daily. Beyond rentals, there were constant previews and hype for the latest Hollywood
holiday blockbusters.. other than the one we can't stop hearing about (hint:
3-D glasses offered), there's that other one.. Up in the Air. Every time I hear the preview, I don't think
about swooning for George Clooney or getting excited about the Oscars. I think about life as I know it right
now. Whether it wins awards or not, at
least the title does a good job summing up life for most Racers post-WR.
Since I'm still on the theme of movies, allow me to share a
few quotes from two movies I saw the first weeks I was home, The Curious Case
of Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road. Since I was so fresh off one of the greatest seasons of my life, like
coming down from an amazing height on the Millennium Force (one of Cedar Point's
awesome rollercoasters, I highly recommend both the park and the ride! oh and while I'm promoting, I highly recommend both movies I mentioned.. superb acting!), these
quotes from characters going through transition or desiring something
different, really resonated. I'll explain more later:
" It's a funny
thing about comin' home. Looks the same,
smells the same, feels the same. You'll
realize what's changed is you." - Benjamin Button
"And you know what's so good about the
truth? Everyone knows what it is however
long they've lived without it. No one
forgets the truth, Frank, they just get better at lying." - April Wheeler,
Rev Rd
"I wanted IN. I just wanted us to live again. For years I thought we've shared this secret
that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the
possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid. To put all your hopes in a promise that was
never made. Frank knows what he wants,
he found his place, he's just fine. Married,
two kids, it should be enough. It is for
him. And he's right; we were never special or destined for anything at all." - April
Wheeler, Rev Rd
"It takes backbone to
lead the life you want, Frank." - April Wheeler, Rev Rd
"It's unrealistic for a man with a fine
mind to go on working year after year at a job he can't stand. Coming
home to a place he can't stand, to a wife who's equally unable to stand the
same things. And you know what the worst part of it is? Our
whole existence here is based on this great premise that we're special. That we're superior to the whole thing. But we're not. We're just like everyone else! We bought
into the same, ridiculous delusion." - April Wheeler, Rev Rd
"If being crazy means living life as if
it matters, then I don't mind being completely insane." - April again
In regards to what Benjamin Button says about coming home,
things seem the same.. there have been some changes around me, whether it be
minor ones like a new tv or progressive changes in someone's life, like a new
marriage or baby. But mostly what's
changed is me.. I'm not talking huge, mind blowing, earth shattering,
hard-to-miss change, but enough of a change inside that I'm more bothered by
things that I used to shrug off (like cursing) and less consumed by consumerism
and other things. However, at home, the
distractions are plentiful - now we had an even nicer tv to watch movies on, a
library to finally get my hands on books I've missed reading, friends to catch
up with, etc.. It's been easy to slip into those distractions instead of spending
time in the Word or listening to God.. especially with the holiday busy-ness of
seeing people, going places, decorating, and practicing gluttony. Re-entry hasn't been hard in the sense of the plethora, over-abundance of options to choose from in terms of service, entertainment, etc. I haven't had a breakdown going to the store.. it's been smooth transitioning back to "creature comforts" altho I realize how much less of that I need and care about. It's mostly been hard to foster the same environment of community with believers and closeness with the Lord.
Coming home right before Thanksgiving and
Christmas (the double whammies) was a double edged sword. In one sense, it was great to be enveloped by
my entire family - even having my sister, her husband and their dog (my
obsession) ready and waiting when I landed! To see the faces I've missed and talked about with my team, all at once,
was both a blessing and overwhelming. It
was great to embrace and be embraced.. I actually enjoyed not having to answer a
ton of questions right off the bat, but being allowed to climb into my big bed
(which I thought my mom had added another mattress to, since I'd been sleeping
either on the floor or on one mattress all year. I truly felt like a rather undeserving princess that first nite in my own bed!). However, like other racers have said, I didn't
find myself sharing a lot of stories about my "trip" once I was ready. People in the States don't have a lot of time
to listen.. they ask, well intentioned, but sometimes have moved on to another
question, conversation, topic or person before I even finish. I truly appreciate the
few who were extremely intentional, had followed my blogs and knew faces,
names, and stories, or took the time to listen and remember details. Details are important to me. I know I get bogged down in them too much,
but after a year away, it means a lot when someone asks specifics. I was also touched to see the effort my mom put into creating a folder with pictures and a summary she wrote on each month and each country I was in.. it was a lot of work on her end and it proved a great tool later on for sharing - so thank you, mom!
Before Christmas, I was extremely blessed by my close girlfriends with an all
expense paid trip to Chicago for a girls' weekend, which turned into extending
my stay so I could have time with my relatives.. it was a restful time as well
as one of reconciliation. I was able to
reconnect with cousins and really find peace in my heart in terms of some
familial relationships. In that sense, I
exercised some of the grace, love and forgiveness I had learned and practiced
on the Race, and it felt really refreshing.. Those are the best ways for
friends and family at home to notice change, from my humbling myself and not
being the hard-headed brat I was pre-Race (and still am sometimes). I also got to visit my grandparents' church and personally meet and thank the sweet elderly congregation who had prayed faithfully for our squad and were so anxious and excited upon my return. After ringing in 2010, I flew to Atlanta to partake in the Passion conference, which fed my heart with sound messages and awesome worship. I had another opportunity to reconnect with a different cousin who blessed me with hospitality. So this new season has already seen fruit.
Now, to return to the quotes above from Revolutionary Road: I quoted a lot from April Wheeler, played by Kate Winslet. April's a housewife
who tries to break away from her mundane, suburban life to live the hopes and
aspirations she dreamed of. She yearns for something better, and believes
that she and her husband Frank can escape the rut by moving to Paris and
pursuing those dreams. Paris is her
promise... The downfall comes when Frank starts settling back into comfortability
- even if it's comfort in something he hates. April is left feeling hopeless, helpless, alone and uninspired. Anyway, without giving the rest of it away, I
saw myself in April... her desire to be different, her boldness in formulating a
plan and her need to take action. I also
saw myself sliding into her hopelessness, in thinking she was delusional, crazy,
unrealistic, and not destined for something greater. I felt the concern, worry and questions in my parents' eyes as they searched me for answers.. my mom meant well when she gave me a job posting to apply for, but I freaked out (also given I'd been home just one week) and then was frustrated and disappointed that she didn't "get it" and that our society emphasizes productivity above all else. Almost against my will and better judgment, I started comparing my stage in life to friends buying cars, houses, having new jobs,
toys, gadgets, babies, husbands... So I'd seen new cultures, been exposed to some of the world, been lucky enough at times to see thru God's eyes His ppl and their hurt.. but now I'm back under my parents' roof, seemingly back to square one. What kills me is that this re-entry was predictable - before I even left for the WR, I'd read the blogs of those who came back and expressed the same things... I had hoped I wouldn't be saying the same things, but it's no surprise that I am, since we're all human with the same emotional tendencies and had gone thru a similar journey and process. I guess I should seek comfort in knowing that all other Racers have been there and will go there and it's normal. I may enter into a dry season or I may not.. but I know one season was meant to end for another to begin.
Coming home has been like looking in the mirror again after
a year without one (altho I laugh cuz even after the Race, when running out to
meet friends, I still look like I haven't spent ANY time in front of a mirror..
I still choose my missionary garb over the clothes I left behind, haha). Funny how when you don't have a
mirror, your eyes are looking up at Him. Once you're back in
front of a mirror, your eyes only focus forward - on
yourself. Especially if you're looking in one of those
mirrors that shows every pore and enhances every flaw. Suddenly, you notice the limp hair, dry skin
(thanks, winter!!), extra poundage (thanks holiday prime rib sales!),
ill-fitted clothes... and that's just the outside. Low self-esteem creeps back.. old fears, doubts, insecurities, etc. start
to creep in as well. There's no longer a team constant surrounding you with
encouragement, "speaking life" and edifying you, believing in you to pursue big stuff. Suddenly, those passions, gifts, exciting possibilities
that seemed, well, exciting and possible, now
seem unachievable or directionless.
That's where Project Searchlight (PSL) comes in... It's a free
2-wk intense program, starting TODAY 1/8, back in Gainesville, GA (where it all began) to help WR vets inspect and bandage their wounds and get ready for
going back out to the frontlines. To get
a more detailed idea of PSL, Seth Barnes says it best. I hadn't planned on going, but I'm glad that I
don't follow MY plans. PSL has already
given several assignments that have made us scratch our heads and probe our
hearts on passions, dreams, visions, world needs, skills, etc. I'm one of those people that doesn't
initially pump myself up but goes into programs with cautious optimism.. That being said, I'm grateful for the
intentional effort that AIM staff is taking to pour into us and see that our
time post-WR leads to something fruitful. I'm looking forward to hearing from humble, righteous leaders and
visionaries like Seth Barnes, to finding focus, and to living in community
again. Never thought I'd miss my fellow
Racers so much, especially corporate worship and prayer. I feel like I do have dreams, but maybe too many and too broad.. and this program will, if nothing else, expose me to ppl with experience, wisdom, and ways to make dreams into visions. I hope to hone in on specific things that make my heart beat, break, stir.. and how to draw realistic plans to make things happen for the Kingdom.
Seth Barnes pretty much puts words to how all post-Racers feel in stating that the WR was our initiation phase.. PSL will be like an assimiliation phase to help us towards the activation phase.. To any fellow former Racers struggling with transition into new seasons, and/or family/friends struggling to understand us: READ THIS.. he taps into my mental pulse and speaks with eloquence and wisdom.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers - that I'll be
open to listening and recognizing His voice, bold to take steps towards Kingdom
stuff, honest in dispelling lies and disclosing uncertainties, patient to
continue waiting on His timing, confident in the identity I claimed on the Race, and consistent in my discipline and hunger for
His Word. Pray that I will have the backbone to lead a life that matters, that I will be crazy for that life if it lines up with Him. Like April, I've tasted the truth... now I have to decide if I wanna exist in the lies, or LIVE in that truth. Like April, I want to be wonderful in the world, but not of it. Unlike April, I am putting hope in a promise that WAS made, by One who is faithful. Unlike April, I believe that my existence IS special.. the only 'ridiculous delusion' that I've bought into is that He has already given us all a new life and we just have to seize it. (sorry if you had to scroll up to re-read those quotes from April, but aren't they great in gettin to the core?)
I'll be updating this blog again regularly, so follow me
along for these next two weeks of PSL! Also, let me know how I can pray for you.
On a final note, if you've got time (and you do, if you've made it through this lengthy post), two more helpful blogs from Seth regarding transitions: How God speaks thru em and Why they're good.
nce almost a year ago, our squad was the first AIM squad to be sent to this country in the Caribbean. Haiti's history is full of strife - spiritual darkness has been a part of its climate since its existence. It was probably the darkest country we ministered in, and that was when it was still stable. While I've been praying a lot for the country and my heart is broken for the people, I've remained somewhat detached.. choosing not to allow myself to be overwhelmed by it all, which it could easily be. However, the Haiti situation is hitting a little closer to home now, as AIM sends out two small teams tomorrow morning as the organization's first response unit, returning next Wed, 1/27.
a group of six, to be servants, messengers, intercessors, cooks, nurses, and whatever else is needed. Ashley Musick, former H Squad leader, is heading up team and plans are subject to change. A smaller team, including Tonya Norman, one of H squad's leaders, is goin in to set up contacts and databases.. So there's 3 H squaders who are directly impacted. This is a tough assignment and will take more than guts - it'll take complete dependence on Him. It's hard to grasp or imagine what they'll see and experience, but God is in control. I thank God that a situation that's so much bigger than all the organizations and aid combined has a God who is even bigger. I know that Tegan is going in complete obedience to the Lord and will be covered in our prayers and in His protection and provision. I'll miss her greatly and be thinking of her constantly. PLEASE continue to lift her team and all other teams up in prayer. 
being bed ridden and only able to communicate via blog comments or fb also sped up the process of friendship. It was during the time that Jeff was in quarantine that I realized he has the x-factor, which by definition is an unexplainable factor that adds value to something or someone. His charismatic presence is noticed when he isn't around. This stems from his true gift of hospitality and giving and loving ppl. Along with Alycea, his beautiful, sweet and humble wife, they re-define hospitality, in my opinion. Through Jeff and Alycea's example, I have much to learn about engaging with people, embracing the concept of "the more the merrier", yet still being intentional and having quality conversations or time.. oh, and not losing that goofy side - humor's huge. 
But from hearing his stories against the backdrop of fires or other casual settings, I've seen how one can be all of the above and be relevant without being irreverent. The fact that Jeff works in the financial industry but has discipled co-workers, led Bible studies in the office and has a spirit that sets him apart enough for them to start inquiring, speaks volumes.. I was only in the business world for a short stint, but one doesn't need too much experience in the field to know how lucrative it is.. This is the kind of missionary work that I think often gets neglected, overlooked or under-emphasized because when we think of missions, it connotes Africa, orphans, rough living conditions, etc. In all actuality, Jeff's mission field is more of a reality and much harder, with an audience that is quicker to judge and slower to understand.. but he's doing modern evangelism by investing in relationships constantly and naturally, so much so that it isn't doing so much as being. He told me that two major steps in evangelism, quite simply, are 1. the person meets you 2. the person likes you. If both are achieved, you now have a foot in the door to build on... from there, Jeff loves on them with his gifts of hospitality and giving... giving of his time, experience and resources.. opening up his home as a safe place to have fun, let your hair down and be who you are, free of judgment. It made me think, how many times does it just stop at 1? Sure, you can meet so many ppl these days, quite easily. But how easy is it for that person to like you? To be put at ease in your presence? To see in you the possibility of more - more of gaining his trust, more of sharing his life, more of accepting his flaws, more of building his character?
one, but I think it needs to be applauded or at least recognized, because it isn't common to actually see this play out. As Jeff told me stories about man ski adventures, I got super excited - not just cuz guys' sense of fun usually involves ridiculousness or hilarity, but cuz stuff is stirring in these environments.. the Spirit's allowed to work in an unconventional way... it's not hanging out with an ulterior motive.. it's not finding a loophole in religion. in fact, it's not about religion at all, but about relationships. sharing the gospel starts first with sharing who you are and what you have. Jeff's vision is to see/help men experience freedom from "church" so they can see and love the Lord... and I am completely on board. He cherishes his guy time - whether it's with one or many - and his house and his company promote freedom. Just being here for two weeks, I can testify to that. 
being
out at the firepit were "wow, you must've had a lot on your mind." and
"did you come up with a lot of thoughts?" yes and yes.. maybe smoke
inhalation is a good thing after all.
have fluttered nervously.. brought me back to the days of business school and the talks of the importance of networking, the social events we'd attend to practice this, and the schmoozing, brown nosing and selling out that lots of students did to win the first impression awards from corporate partners... yeeuck. it was never my kinda game, but it was also essential to getting feet in the door. i preferred to lean on the door frame and just observe the show. of course, it wouldn't be fair for me to accuse everyone of networking for the wrong reasons, but coming from that business background (which i probably never belonged in as it wasn't me), i saw it as black and white: you either sell yourself well and jump start your career, or you fail to sell (out) and maybe manage to slide in due to luck despite your lackluster persona, or fail to get yourself in the door altogether.. 
exchange of blessings. plus, as confirmed in today's session, without networks, God's Kingdom dreams can't be implemented and brought forth... we need each other.. we weren't made to do it alone, and no one is significant enough to have and know everything and everyone. plus, networking doesn't have to be seen as being someone i'm not, but as being who i am and being connected to others who may be able to invest in me and vice versa. investing in ppl may sometimes not be worth it.. like Seth said, there are some dead nodes - some that don't result in anything. but there's also the possibility of a whole bunch of multiplication that could happen (maybe this concept is also foreign to me cuz i don't know math!) - you meet someone who knows someone who knows someone... and who knows how that person or those ppl may come across your path again one day? His world can be seriously small. an exchange of knowledge, skills, gifts, passion, resources is GOOD.. the ppl i've invested in, my friends and family, have brought an abundance to my life.. how much more could i bring to others and them to me? 
have a slight aversion to phones), it was still pretty cool to see how fast things can get rolling if you get over that fear or pride or whatever's holding you back, and take the leap, make the call.. it's encouraging to hear or witness the willingness of the other person to tap into his personal network to help with something you need.. when Seth was talking to an important youth ministry guy, one of the top in the nation and one of his thousands of personal contacts, i did feel slightly small... as in, my network is somewhat limited. it's growing, but it may just never have that reach. however, instead of comparing, what i need to do is give praise that some ppl like Seth (who probably knows the President!) or my dear friend 
anointing, that true gift of networking. nothing makes Liz come more alive than connecting ppl, and while i joke that she has 2,000 facebook friends, she manages to be intentional with each one. so now that I know Liz, my own network has increased, quite possibly exponentially. haha. now i can't let her outta my life, cuz 1. i need her peeps 2. i am one of them, how crazy 3. her peeps would probably hunt me down. Love you, Liz!
attended the Passion 2010 conference in Atlanta, GA, and they ran a campaign called Do Something Now. Do 
Something Now allowed college students (and anyone else at Passion) to participate in impacting lives on a global scale. In the lower level of the Georgia World Congress Center was a mobilization center full of different stands from organizations such as Not For Sale, One Verse, Compassion International, and more. There were interactive, hands-on activities you could partake in.... for the organization Not For Sale, which works to equip and motivate activists to end slavery, the students at Passion were able to raise enough money for three refuge outposts for sex slaves to escape to. There are so many horrifying stats about human trafficking... to learn more, you can visit Not For Sale's website: 
I love your laugh. I love your mischief. I love your acting. I love your jokes. I love your re-enactments. I love how your eyes light up when you're telling a (funny) story. I love your dark curly locks. I love your dance moves. I love your favorite juice, Welch's guava and pineapple. I love your comfortable new bed. I love your corn hole skills. I love that you joined us for part of our Race. I love your heart for the squad. 
o my day... I will continue to blog whether you choose to read it or comment or both or neither. But since you brought it up today, when I so kindly visited your nice spankin apt, I decided to address it.. America needs to know what's going on! My heart breaks for those gifted bloggers who are pouring out their hearts, writing profound things, or even just posting something light-hearted and funny but perhaps having no access to a camera or no time to upload a picture. They don't get read by Ashley (switching to third person now because I'm just too riled up to write in a grammatically consistent fashion). Well, supposedly. In theory. But I guess if you're Nate Hood or happen to write succinctly and Ashley happens to come across your blog, you may be a chosen one. And for those busily uploading photos for the enjoyment of readers like Ashley, she may not ever see them. She may have just left some love for a guy who happened to post a short but sweet, non-photo infused, blog. Ah, the injustice.
Don't let that winning smile fool ya'll
I'm still called to love her...
Someone here ain't tellin' the truth